It has been sometime since I've blogged. different reasons why not important. Many more changes have occurred in my ever changing world. Finally move out of the house into an apartment. This was a big change going from 2800 sq. feet to 700 sq. feet was quite an adjustment. There were many items I had to get rid of because my space could not hold all I had acquired over the years. So her I am 48 pushing 49 years of age and for the very first time in my life I have a place that is mine and mine alone. Although it is nice to have my things around me again there is much loneliness here. Cocoa is having a very difficult time adjusting and going through major separation anxiety this is hard for me because she was my easy baby never ever gave me a problem with anything. Stoli is doing better than Cocoa which is a welcome surprise. I have my good days and bad sometimes real bad days, actually mostly nights, the days aren't as hard at the nights. I have been getting out with girls from work and other friends and this is great but the drives home to my empty nest sends me into tail spins and I usually end up crying all the way home. I hate this and the feeling of sadness that overcomes me. It has been seven months now and counting and my heart still aches. Why is it that it is easier to remember or hold on to the good stuff and forget about the bad stuff? I pray to God to get me through these times of sadness and loneliness. I watch other people and relationships and I find that we as humans are never really happy we always want or expect more from the people we love. Those with significant others want what we without someone special have and we whom are alone only want that someone there to love. Is anyone ever really happy? Life is short and not one of us are perfect or without flaws, yes maybe some of us are better than others but we all have our issues. My point is that we expect the person we fall in love with to be that perfect person day in and day out and this is not possible. We all must look at ourselves first before we make judgement on the people we love or choose to love. It is so easy to point the finger at the other person and not accept any of the blame. As couples we are each responsible for some part of the relationship both in the good times and the bad times. Was the man I chose to love perfect. For me in many ways he was but he had his issues as well and perhaps the issues out weighed the perfection. As for me I have come to learn that I too have imperfections, insecurities and flaws because I am human. I do my very best to be the perfect daughter, sister, lover and friend but I am not perfect like everyone else I have shortcomings and struggles to overcome. In the end I suppose I came into this world alone I will be leaving it alone as well. Everything in between it just what we choose to make or get from it? So tonight like all the other seven months of nights I come to bed alone and can only pray and wonder where my life will take me tomorrow?
Gerri
