TAKING IT DAY BY DAY...

OK it's been just over a month now on my new journey, I have experienced ups and downs and a lot crying but things are getting better for me.  I guess when you think you've found the one person to spend the rest of you life with and it turns out you were wrong, you have to take a long look at the relationship and yourself to determine where things went wrong?  For me this was difficult because I don't like to fail, I put all my energy, heart and soul and will do just about all it takes to make things work.  This has been an extremely hard process for me.  Even knowing in your mind it is the right choice the heart aches and you go through separation anxiety and not having that someone at your side is difficult.  I know from experience that these feelings will pass it just takes time but being away from my family makes it that much harder.  I have so much support and love from my friends here and my family all over that I know this time will pass and I will find a new path for myself, a healthier and stronger path I just need to take it one day at a time.  I have spend much of this time questioning myself and trying to understand why it is that I attract the type of men I seem to attract.  Maybe some day I will know the true answer to this question?  At this time my focus must be on me which is not easy,  I'm a care taker and not accustomed to the me part of this.  Now I must learn to put me first, this will be new and it will take me some time but I am determined to get there.(:  Peace and happiness, the simple life is all I've ever strived for, finding someone to grow old with enjoying the simple things in life and working with one another to make a modest home and taking care of our children and ourselves. I owe my determination to make things work to my parents for through all their ups and downs they have stuck it out for "50 YEARS" and I so admire them for this accomplishment I only wish that I could have been able to accomplish this one day.  God apparently has another path for me to take and I will put my trust in him to lead the way for he has seen me through many difficult situations and ultimately when I felt all was lost  he has shown me the light at the end of the tunnel.  I thank all of you for the supporting words and love you have given me during this time...

Gerri  

SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT...

Mix of emotions......

It has been several weeks since my split and my days have been pretty much OK. Work keeps my days occupied and I've started working out with P90X in the evenings and my dogs help to pass the time. Loneliness does creep in from time to time.  Why is it that when someone is gone you are  more likely to think of the good times and forget why you ultimately made the choice to split?  You know in your head why but the heart aches with emptiness...  I know this time will pass as I've been here before what I don't understand is how and why I get myself into these types of relationships.  I know I'm not the brightest star in the sky but I'm certainly not stupid, yet as I sit here this morning after a phone conversation with him I am paralyzed with his words and how he can so easily turn everything around on me?  The big question is WHY I allow this?  Why is it that no matter what or with whom I tend to do this.  Perhaps once I make a connection with someone I don't want it broken.  Whether friend or lover once my bond it there I have difficulty severing it.  All relationships in my life mean so very much to me I give 100% to them and no matter what may split them apart I will always hold a part of it close to my heart.  This is my make-up how God made me to be.  What I must do is to find the strength from within to be able to handle the negativity others put upon me to not allow it to paralyze me, like I did this morning.  My dearest and bestest friend has always been there for me during these times and thank God she was again this morning, for she always has just the things I need to hear and I draw so much strength from her as she has sustained mountains of her own issues in the journey called life.  I love you "C". You are a great friend/sister and the best mother, you've done a wonderful job raising the girls alone and I look up to you for how brave and strong you are. (:

So it is now time for me to stand up and be strong for another beautiful day faces me and though I may feel alone I am not... If you find you have similarities to mine I welcome advice or suggestions!  Until next time.....

Gerri

MY PRIDE AND JOY...

Where does the time go?  It seems like just yesterday it was May 18, 1988 and I was being handed for the very first time my beautiful baby boy. Wow how the time flies by. I was blessed with the most perfect child I could not have asked for anything more precious. He was bright, happy, loving and had gorgeous blue eyes. He excelled in everything he did from school, to soccer, baseball and vert skating. As I watched him growing I would often tell him to stop and place my hand a top his head because time was going by way to fast for me. His teen years were difficult. Unfortunately I decided to end my marriage of 18 years at about this time and it sent him into a tail spin. As much as I tried to be a strong figure in his life I am sad to say I lost my angel for a while.  He always assured me the divorce wasn't the reason for his choices as I carried so much guilt, that it was just him finding his way. Well find his way he did and by the grace of God and many many many prayers he once again is seeing the light.  Throughout his ordeal I did everything to keep the faith and even when all seemed hopeless God pulled me through, along with the support of my family. What I have learned from this experience as well as the difficult times during the divorce process is that we must keep our faith in GOD for he is always with us even though many times we feel alone. I am so very proud of my Son for he has grown up tremendously in the past two years and he is one day at a time bettering his quality of life.  He may never know how very proud I am to call him my Son or how very important he is to me. I thank god each and everyday for the Angel he has blessed me with.  I love you my baby boy.

Gerri

THE JOYS OF SISTERHOOD...

What would we do without our "Sisters"?  For me I have been blessed with two biological sisters.  We have shared so very many joys and sorrows in our lives.  I don't know what I would do without them.  We have fought, cried laughed talked about each other and  no matter what, we have always been there for one another.  We are all different in looks, sizes and personality but the one thing we have in common is we are SISTERS.  This bond will never be broken. I love them both with all of my heart and soul.  (Thanks Dad & Mom for giving me these gift).

I am also one of the lucky ones who have other sisters in my life.  I have been fortunate to find great women who's friendship/cousin's I treasure and consider these women as my sisters.  We as women are truly blessed to be women and to have special women in our lives. Thank you all for loving and supporting me through all of my trials and tribulations.  I owe you BIG!

Not to forget my brother...I love him as well  and the O'Keefe boys who are like brothers to me.  I love you all and thanks for always watching out for me!

Gerri


  

A NEW BEGINNING...

So recently through a series of events in my life I have determined that I need to take some time for myself to get me back centered.  I had been in a 6 year relationship which has taken me "out of the box" and my 10 mile radious.  I moved 200 miles from my "safety net" or so I thought, left behind my only child which was extremely difficult and for which I carry much guilt (that's an O'Keefe thing) and left my job of 24 years to start a new.  My journey took me through ups and downs, good and bad times but it is my determination to make things work no matter what and good times with Scott that has kept me here. Fortuntely I found another wonderful job that I love, have made many good friends and once again feel at home.   

The past four years Scott and I have shared many good times.  We were avid Boater's which I will miss very much and I became a "Biker-Bitch" for lack of a better phrase!  We were always on the go, go, go.  Last year in the mist of the economy Scott lost his job.  It has been 13 months and he finally was offered a position in Atlanta to start a new.  I have had mixed feelings about this move and if I was willing to up-root and relocate once again. I guess when push came to shove I followed my heart and decided to remain an Orlando resident.  Though not an easy decision, it is one I know in my heart is right and with the support of my wonderful family and the "Strong Women" in my life, you know who you are...I will make a great life for myself and my son should he choose to join me, right her in Central Florida!

I will use this blog to express my good and bad times and keep my family and far away friends updated on my life.  I hope you will enjoy my journey...

Gerri