OK it's been just over a month now on my new journey, I have experienced ups and downs and a lot crying but things are getting better for me. I guess when you think you've found the one person to spend the rest of you life with and it turns out you were wrong, you have to take a long look at the relationship and yourself to determine where things went wrong? For me this was difficult because I don't like to fail, I put all my energy, heart and soul and will do just about all it takes to make things work. This has been an extremely hard process for me. Even knowing in your mind it is the right choice the heart aches and you go through separation anxiety and not having that someone at your side is difficult. I know from experience that these feelings will pass it just takes time but being away from my family makes it that much harder. I have so much support and love from my friends here and my family all over that I know this time will pass and I will find a new path for myself, a healthier and stronger path I just need to take it one day at a time. I have spend much of this time questioning myself and trying to understand why it is that I attract the type of men I seem to attract. Maybe some day I will know the true answer to this question? At this time my focus must be on me which is not easy, I'm a care taker and not accustomed to the me part of this. Now I must learn to put me first, this will be new and it will take me some time but I am determined to get there.(: Peace and happiness, the simple life is all I've ever strived for, finding someone to grow old with enjoying the simple things in life and working with one another to make a modest home and taking care of our children and ourselves. I owe my determination to make things work to my parents for through all their ups and downs they have stuck it out for "50 YEARS" and I so admire them for this accomplishment I only wish that I could have been able to accomplish this one day. God apparently has another path for me to take and I will put my trust in him to lead the way for he has seen me through many difficult situations and ultimately when I felt all was lost he has shown me the light at the end of the tunnel. I thank all of you for the supporting words and love you have given me during this time...
Gerri
Ahh.. and i believe you said it in this line " I am a caretaker... See you cannot take care of others until you take care of yourself. In the past, you have spent your marriage, then your relationship and also the raising of your son taking care of everything and trying to fix things for other, even when you could not. Maybe now it is time, you let your self take care of you. We can't fix others but we can fix ourselves. Be Strong, Be Brave and stand up for you. Love you
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