The journey continues with it's ups and downs....

It's been quite some time since my last post and I have been dealing with some mixed emotions "AGAIN". You know how when you were a little girl you had a dream of how your life was going to be when you grew up?  Well each of us has a different dream. Mine was not about going to college, making a career or being an independent woman so to speak.  Mine was to find the man fall in love, get married, have babies and make a simple but happy home and live happily ever after.....Blah Blah Blah we can see that didn't pan out.  No matter how hard I try and know I am capable of taking care of me, and be alone with myself deep inside my soul is empty.  Most days I go along fine, then there are those days when the simple moments, a song or a memory or seeing a couple or a family when my emotions just hit me like a brick, tears start streaming down my face like a waterfall and my heart feels like someone is sitting on it. Fortunately these emotions pass.

The brain part of me understands that I cannot change anything but myself or my situation, I get that.  The heart is so much more complicated... Oh this heart of mine...it has difficulty saying goodbye or letting go. Not only of people I love but pretty much over everything. This is where I struggle, you see I've pretty much gone through my life looking at the good in people and holding on to that, forever believing that they will change. I guess I feel if I give up on believing how can they change???  I can help them, yea right! You'd think by now I'd figure out,   NOT!  Well I have to accept who I am and love me anyway.  With each situation I gain strength and knowledge but I will never ever give up that part of me.  Even though I have endured much pain and heartache believing in people, this is who I am and that's OK. God made me this way for a reason and one of these days, it will be clear to me why?

So for now I will continue my journey.  Monday I leave for New Mexico with my BFF!  We will begin a new journey together. Back in our 20's we traveled to Paris, went on a Cruise took several canoe trips down the Peace River and turned a lot of heads!  She was my partner in crime! We will now begin a new journey since we again find ourselves single moms who have raised three great children.  BTW she raised two beautiful girls who are now in their second year of college all by herself!  She is my hero! I get so much strength from her.  THANKS C!  My "N" is doing great and is cooking in a restaurant doing what he loves.  So we've decided to start marking off our "bucket list".   We will be taking a Hot Air Balloon Ride! We have a fun filled week ahead and I promise to post all about it when we get back.  Stay tuned for Up Up and Away!!

Gerri